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Die Romantic- A Look At Aiden
by Dave
by Dave
As your average music-loving, CD spinnin' joseph, I like to think that I have a half decent opinion on the difference between good music and horse bile. Frame of reference; I love collecting CDs. Sometimes I just buy one on a whim, not knowing who the band really is. Theres no finer hobby than spending £14 on a piece of plastic, only to find out that its actually a piece of hog shit (imagine my delight when I bought Metallica's St Anger, in that case). I have hundreds of albums; some I like, some I’m not so keen on, but hey, there’s something for everyone in there. I try to keep an open mind as far as music goes- if I’m not personally keen on it, then that doesn’t mean it sucks. Horses for courses, no?
With that fresh in mind, rare is it that a band comes along who will make my blood genuinely boil. I may sneer at some of the more hack acts out there, but rare is a band so hatefully woeful that they make me want to hack off my ears with plastic spoons and feed them to a gaggle of rabid ducks. So naive was I that finally a band has come along to rewrite every notion I ever had about how all music has at least some value. Folks, meet Aiden;
Hello ladies.
So, first impressions then. We've got a goth band who want you to think that they're dark and mysterious. I dunno what comes into your head when you first see this picture, but I'm pretty sure its not "dark" and "mysterious." In fact judging by this photo, I'd wager the only thing dark and mysterious about Aiden is their basement full of starving eight year old boys. And aren't they ugly? I thought most poseur bands of this kind at least had the looks to appeal to grotty teenage girls who dress like Tim Burton, but these guys actually look like they haven't bathed in weeks. Or at least if they have they've been bathing in old man's ball vinegar.
Get a wash lads, seriously. At least wash your hair, or buy some deoderant. Noone wants to listen to your music when you smell like a shark's vagina. And what about the two particularly horrendous looking guys at either side of the frontman? Lets look at that photo again;
...wtf!? Who are these clowns?
Who hires people that look like this, seriously? Hands up if you think that these guys look cool. No? Obviously someone down at Victory Records thought they were a great addition to the Aiden image. I guess they were trying to corner the fat, sweaty and pasty market. Why so smug looking, you fat idiots? Die Romantic? More like Pie Romantic, amirite?
So these two guys are immediately hateful simply because of their ghastly features, but they're nothing compared to the singer. His name is Wil Francis, and he's the human equivalent of getting your fingers slammed in a car door. Observe:
Meet Wil.
If Robert Smith took a shit, then picked off some of his pubes, combed them and put them on it, it'd look like Wil. I bet mummy and daddy are proud. Imagine this sitting at the end of your dinner table, scrutinising your cooking. This guy is 26 years old. Grow up dude. You're not some sort of creepy scarecrow, you're a fully grown adult. Wil also has a horrendous line in singing, with a grade eight in out-of-key whinings and a general tendency to act like he's some sort of spooky spiritual force onstage. Last time I checked, singing ability wasn't foregone to try and act all creepy. If all bands used Aiden's logic in hiring vocalists Jeffrey Dahmer would've been a member of Led Zeppelin.
I know what you're thinking by now. "But Daev!1 Daev!! What about the music?! You're just focusing on their image. Talk about their music, you shallow fool." Ah yes, the music. You'd think an image as 'extravagant' as Aiden's would warrant some pretty shredding music to back it up. Sadly Aiden seem eager to prove themselves as shitty at writing music as they are at looking in the mirror. Not only do the recordings sound like muffled crap, but their music is horribly uninspired, awfully played and woefully structured. Sounds enticing eh? Lets break it down; time to take a look at some of Aiden's singles releases. Follow me cautiously kids!
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