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A Time To Die: Part 1!
by Dave


Anyway, today’s the day Jackie has to go visit little Kev before Sam hauls his ass off to Chicago. Sam’s a bit of an asshole like that it would seem. I don’t know why he doesn’t really want Jackie to see her son, but I’m sure there’s some bitter, twisted, sick reason behind it. Actually I hate Sam, if only because his acting really stinks. Anyway she takes the trip and meets them outside Sam’s house, where she produces a bag of nuts for her son. “Look daddy, mommy brought me a pack of peanuts!” Kevin exclaims with glee. At least that’s what I assume he was meant to say, because instead the poor little critter somehow manages to babble “Look daddy! Mommy bought me a dragon penis!”

Let that sink in.

I’m serious. That sounds EXACTLY like what he says. I swear. Either I'm insane or thats what this kid inexplicably mumbles. Now I know the kid's age is pretty low but jeez, thats a pretty tall order for a child's plaything. I’m not big on knowledge of American malls or high-street stores but I’m pretty sure that they don’t market the severed members of mythical beasts as kid’s toys. One-nil to Jackie again I’m afraid Sam, you jackass. All those shitty toys that Kev didn’t want and all you had to do for some affection was to buy him a dragon penis. What the hell were you thinking?



This kid is going to be scarred for life.

I’m pretty sure Kevin’s going to end up in some sort of institution when he gets older, ‘cause mistaking nuts for dragon phalluses is probably the most surreal case of delusion I’ve ever come across. I can just imagine all the other kids in school taunting him with bags of peanuts, saying “want some dragon penises Kevin?! WANT SOME DRAGON PENISES AHAHAHAHAH YOU WORTHLESS, MORONIC SACK OF SHIT!?!! AHAHAHA!!!” Poor kid :(.


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