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A Time To Die: Part 1!
by Dave
by Dave
AAAGHH!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?!?
Fuck my eyes. No sooner am I getting used to a little peace and quiet in this movie when I get subjected to some couple’s mid-morning underpants-charleston. Who are these guys anyway? Why its none other than Jackie’s ex-husband Sam and his new-found bitch! Whilst all this action is going on, Kevin (Jackie’s kid, remember?) is making a damn milkshake by himself downstairs. What a crock, this kid is 5 years old. With parents like these no wonder hes had to mature early and become what appears to be some sort of PR manager for a wealthy corporation;
I can maybe understand the side parting, but the braces, shirt, cuffs and snazzy tie? No doubt he’s thinking of new ways to market the PS3 in light of Nintendo’s recent wave of Wii publicity. Why is this even a focus in the movie anyway? My theory is that his actions are some sort of dirty metaphor for the spunkfest that’s going on upstairs. Heh heh. Milk into glass. Geddit? See it now?
Ugh, actually I hope to hell not. Lets move on quick.
Anyway, after the sunny suburban rumpy-pumpy is done and dusted Sam’s girl decides to try and phone Jackie. No idea why, maybe she needs some pointers when it comes to putting out for Sam. Jackie picks up the phone at the other end but its not Sam’s bitch after all. “Who is this?” Jackie stammers;
“I’ll give you three guesses- Frank, Frank or Frank?”
This guy is smooth. I’m surprised she didn’t try and dive into her phone in an attempt to get into his arms. Guess the charm didn’t work though, as she quickly hangs up and leaves him high and dry. He's not a man to be put down easily though- “She likes me. She doesn’t know it yet but she likes me.” Sure she does Frank. Keep chasing that rainbow. Or just go home and masturbate, you’ll be saving a lot of wasted effort.
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2000-2008
