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A Time To Die: Part 1!
by Dave
by Dave
A friend of mine and I are currently going through a rather strange phase in our lives. No, not the late outpouring of hair from our naughty bits or dysfunctional relationships with our parents but something really quite different. It all started the day my dad arrived home with the Hollywood DVD collection.
"Four movies on one DVD!!" the cover boasted. Holy shit, if they have the technology to fit four movies onto a disc then the movies themselves must be awesome! My DVD player got a dusting down, and thus grew an insatiable appetite for retarded b-movies. Fast forward to one stormy night last January, when we stumbled upon this movie. If the other movies we watched were starters, this movie alone was the main course;
WOWWWW!!
Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Dave, is this another shitty thriller?" Why are you even bothering to write about it?" Simply put, this movie had me and my friend in tears laughing when we first watched it, and I'm surprised that the disc hasn't been ground into a fine powder considering the amount of playtime its had. To give you a small glimpse into the idiocy I have had the pleasure of watching, I now present to you the first in a multiple-part article detailing the film. Seriously, trust me on this one dear friends, and follow me for an introduction into the world of sleaze and debauchery that is A Time To Die.
"AHE Ha ha ha ha ha!!"
The movie first introduces us to a couple of guys standing on the top of some building drinking. I'm guessing they're bad guys because we all know that only total cool bad-asses like to drink alcohol in a public place. I don't think we ever find out their names sadly, but despite my suspicions that they're villains they sure seem like friendly guys because they keep laughing for no reason. Heck- maybe its some guy's birthday surprise and this is just the beginning of the party, cause it sounds like they're waiting for someone to turn up. Hey its all I can think of right now, shut the hell up.
Sadly the celebrations are soon brought to an end by the wails of a car siren and the two guys take a quick look over the side. Maybe its the birthday boy himself pulling a double-prank on them? What do you see guys?
WTF?!
Dammit! its a filthy, stinking kid! Same old story- it all starts by bunking off school then before you know it you're kicking cars that belong to seedy men who drink on top of tall buildings. Don't do this at home kids. The kid is told to get away from the car and he follows orders by getting lost. Thats it big guy, show that twerp who's boss! Now back to the celebrations. But who's this?
"'Sup bro."
ITS MR MOTIVATOR!!
Damn, I guess years of promoting good health in 80s TV shows got to him cause he's let himself go. I'm guessing its not his birthday either since its not cake he's after. Instead, he wants a gun. Hey thats handy, cause these friendly guys just happen to have a few in a briefcase that they magically pulled out of their ass! This serene scene is ruined once again when the car alarm is heard once more. Wtf?
>=((!!!!!
Its that goddamned kid again, and this time he's lying on the car! That smarmy little shit. And thats not all; what does he do when he's told to get away this time? He keys the car! Son of a bitch! Whats the best way to deal with a shithead kid keying your car?
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