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Revamped: Part 1!
by Matt
by Matt
Upon realizing his marriage is a lie, Richard spirals into a drunken depression bent on suicide. He takes out a gun, puts it to his head, and...
*click*
It doesn't work. And I'm guessing he's surprised? Since shooting himself didn't work, he tries to hang himself from a chandelier. It breaks and he falls to the floor. Depressed that he can't even kill himself correctly, he turns on his TV.
Richard must have satellite.
On channel 666 (how original!) is an infomercial offering what can be best described as a mail order vampire. Basically, they send over a vampire to bite you and turn you into one. I don't know what kind of incentive there would be for such a service, or how the hell a commercial like that would make it on the air, but plot holes be damned!
The commercial also features some wonderful puns like "the nightlife is... killer" and "you're just a bite away from immortality."
"Are you at the end of your rope?"
So Richard calls the number, 1-888-BITE-ME (That's not seven digits, asshole!), and sets up a time to get bit. His plan is to write his wife out of his will, become a vampire and then kill her and her boyfriend. Totally rational.
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