While I enjoy reviewing movies I've never seen, I do still like to sit down and actually watch a good movie from time to time. And other times I like to watch awful vampire B-movies that are only considered good because they're so horrible. So when I stumbled across such a film recently, I was overwhelmed with an emphatic feeling of "eh, might as well."
Revamped is the cinematic equivalent of a car crash; it's a terrible thing to witness, but god damn if that awfulness isn't entertaining. Right off the bat, from the poster alone, you know this movie is gonna blow. Besides the multitude of graphic design flaws, the title is just awful. ReVAMPed! Get it!? Also, according to the poster, this is a Jeff Rector Film. That might mean something if anybody actually knew who that is. The film was also written, directed, produced and starring... Jeff Rector. Of course.
The film also includes the (apparently) first ever vampire country western song, "Baby, You're a Pain in the Neck." I'm not making this up. Take a guess who wrote the song. Jeff Rector! That guy does everything! Poorly! He's like the white, untalented version of Tyler Perry.
 | | Reviews of Movies We Haven't Seen: Cloverfield |
by Matt on 01.16.2008
38 Comments | Reply |
One of the most talked about films coming out soon is the epic sci-fi thriller Cloverfield. What makes this film special is that it's being helmed by producer JJ Abrams. I think he's won some awards or something, but Abrams is probably best known for his work on the movie Taking Care of Business, a light-hearted comedy starring one of the greatest comedic actors of our time: Jim Belushi.
Douche.
What really makes Abrams such an amazing influence to this movie, though, is his work on a little TV show called Lost. Avid fans of the show already know what I'm getting at: the monster. As with Cloverfield, Lost had a mysterious monster that had fans guessing (and complaining!) just what this monster could be. A monster that disappeared into thin air, knocked down trees, made mechanical sounds and roared like a dragon; what else could it be than a floating black cloud of smoke that visually projects the thoughts and memories of the people it attacks! Obviously.
 | | Reviews of Movies We Haven't Seen: Teeth |
by Matt on 12.30.2007
67 Comments | Reply |
I like movies. I'm mainly a fan of comedy films, but I do enjoy a good drama/horror film every now and then. Rarely do those genres blend well together, though (and no, I'm not counting horror spoofs). So I was quite pleased when I came across Teeth, an independent drama from Roadside Attractions.
Teeth stars the woman you see above (Jess Weixler). We know she is a woman because she has a vagina. This woman's vagina is different, though. "How is it different," you say? "Is it actually a penis," you say? No. This woman's vagina has teeth. Teeth growing in her vagina. Gynecologist: "What... what did you put in here?"
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